My house, courtesy of instagram
When I moved to london last september I was under the distinct impression that if I was ever going to be reconised as a creative genius the only place I could possibly be seen to inhabit was Hackney wick.
I went to a warehouse party in Hackney Wick a few years prior and it ended early because someone got stabbed. The sirens, the paramedics, the gurning 17 year olds and the silver foil blankets proved that this was a hub of culture and nightlife, and obvs I needed to be part of it.
I viewed a place in Hackney Wick, I found an amazing place that had all the features and trimmings of a room that a creative genius such as I should have; no windows, breeze block walls, concrete floor. with the added luxury of a plywood bedroom door and a communal bottle bong.. it was perfect, ideal for starting a drug addiction and if I dyed my hair the right color, everyone would assume I study at St Martins and it was only £650 a month.. it would be a small price for my Mother to pay for the huge success and opportunities it would grant me.
During this time, I was currently sleeping on my friend's sofa which was great as the only thing cooler than living in a underdelveloped 'live/work' warehouse is sleeping on sofas. It made me feel like Gareth Pugh. So my friend... o wait...how rude of me...
CECILIA
Meet Cecilia
Cecilia and I met a few years ago during our short lived career as being extras. It was this video that I first met her and her tits. Unfortunatley I wasn't considered buff enough to be part of the crazy roman orgy scenes so they clad me in a red burka which is unfortunate as A) I looked like Daniel Lismore and B) I could have been spotted and I would be a famous a junkie porn star by now.
Cecilia obvs comes from Sweden. Swedes are like black people, they are permitted to wear nothing at all and no one can say anything because its their culture, thus making negative remarks racist and racism is illegal in east London.
When wearing clothes, she makes perfume; speaks french and also creates fur masks for luxury sex shops.
It was I that engineered her place on page 3 when she wore my Raven hat on the catwalk like 7 fashion weeks ago. I'm proud that I inspired Charlie Le Mindu to do the same a few seasons later.
Mother thought I had made it when she saw it on page 3, so much so, she threw it out.
But obvs, those days are oves. Cecilia is now one of my grown up friends.
Her daily routine starts by going for a run at 6am before coming home and baking a cake or making face masks before heading off to work.
Cecilia follows a strict orthorexic diet of mung beans and Kombucha cultures in a quest for eternal youth. She's one step away from bathing in the blood of virgins.
anyway...
SO, as I was saying.. I was spending my time sleeping on her sofa and it suddenly dawned on me.., I could live in a conventional house and no one would ever know. The only issue was, there wasn't any room and the house was full of psychos. It was never going to be easy but I was never one to give up easily. Alas after a few months of not going anywhere, 3 co-habitants passively aggressively responded my moving out and my place was secure. And this is where I have resided ever since.
When I first moved in, the house had ... what Cecilia liked to call 'a Berlin squat vibe'.. it would have been cool if we were paying £700 a month in someplace like Stoke newington but the fact we were all paying under £400 for spacious double rooms in a 3 storey victorian house in Stamford Hill meant it wasn't an ironic dive.. It was just a dive.
Cecilia and I set out to restore the house to its former glory #sarahbeeny #betterthanrisehall with help of the new additions that filled the rooms of housemates past.
With the lack of magnolia walls, 80s carpet and laminate flooring that we should be grateful for having in london, we have set out to use the house for lucrative schemes e.g porn shoots, slamming parties etc as.. we're artistic.. but more importantly, always skint.
to be continued....
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